Beginning of the Road

November 5, 1996

Have you noticed how popular the BWCA is getting?  No, not the park, but the letters “BWCA.”  First we had “Beat Wellstone Come Autumn.”  Shortly after that sprouted out of the ground, a green and white sign emerged with, “Boschwitz Won’t Care Again.”

This could be a new national trend in advertising.  We are fortunate that it has started in Ely.  Perhaps this is just another example of how important our city is to the country.  I can’t imagine how boring life would be for the environmentalists and opponents if Ely did not exist.

I have been waiting with anticipation for the next BWCA sign to germinate in our fertile political ground.  The letters “BWCA” can probably express almost any political belief.  “Biker Women Craving Access” could start a movement to allow Harleys in the BWCA.  Biker women represent a misunderstood minority and we shouldn’t discriminate on access to the BWCA based on religious beliefs.  If there is one thing a biker is religious about, it is Harley Davison motorcycles.  This is one issue the mediation group should resolve. 

“Bankers Wanting Cash Anywhere” signs will push for Automatic Teller Machines throughout the BWCA.  I am not sure what campers will be able to buy in the BWCA, Dorothy Molter hasn’t sold root beer for a long time.  Maybe the bankers are trying to make us believe we can take it with us?

“Bring Welfare Careers Again” is a sign that could be used to support Wellstone, since he was against workfare.  I don’t think those on welfare could afford to pay for signs, but then they have Cable and I don’t.  People for welfare reform could counter with “Bulldoze Welfare Check Abuse.”  It could be nasty since the bankers would probably align themselves with the pro-welfare forces, since many welfare clients do get their money from ATMs by using their plastic welfare cards.

“Broadcast Wagner Constantly Ad-nauseam” could be a monopoly move by public radio lovers to dictate what music should be played on radio stations.  Even though only one percent of the population listens to public radio, they know Wagner is better than Elvis.  Hmm, on that point they are probably right.  However, I would still miss the King.

“Ban Walleye Carcass Abuse” could be a PETA campaign to stop taxidermy of game fish.  PETA is the acronym for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  They are against eating meat, wearing fur or leather, research with animals and all forms of hunting or fishing.  I still think one good taste of some Zup’s homemade sausage would improve their dispositions.

“Bidet Worshipping Campers Adhoc”  What can I say, but that the pro-bidet forces want a bidet at every campsite.  This group worships cleanliness and will spread the word on bidets at all costs.  If they didn’t spend so much time in the bathroom their signs would probably be up by now.

Perhaps the best campaign sign I would like to see is “Ban Wasteful Campaign Anonyms.”  The two signs that have cropped up so far are both cheap shots.  It is always tempting to excuse those posters that express your own views, but they really don’t do anything to convince the opposition of their errors.

The fact that the “other side” responded with a negative anti-Boschwitz BWCA sign shows that their maturity level is just as low.  Single issue campaigning is not the way to win elections.  The same goes for campaign gimmicks.  Rudy Boschwitz should not win because of his flavored milk stand at the State Fair.  Paul Wellstone should not win because of his green bus.  It is all the issues and the past votes of each candidate that should dictate who should serve Minnesota in the Senate.  At the rate the election is going, many voters will wish for this sign: “Boschwitz-Wellstone Conned All.”