Beginning of the Road

by D.C. Sorensen

December 9, 1996

You can always count on Mother Nature to keep living in Ely and interesting experience.  In the last week, I have heard both rumors and first hand accounts that wolves have been seen inside the city limits.  Someone told my wife they saw wolves in Whiteside Park.  Miriam Pucel saw a wolf about a block from her house.  A local minister also saw a wolf in the street.

I believe it.  After last winter’s toll on the deer population, the wolves are probably having to work extremely hard this year at finding food.  I doubt if the State of Minnesota will set up a feeding program for the wolves as it did last year for the deer.  That was a great program.  Everyone who always fed deer got free food last year. 

Perhaps we can persuade the state to hand out free sides of beef to leave out for the wolves.  I think every homestead in Ely would be willing to accept a side of beef to put out for the wolves.  Of course, we would have to test some of the beef on our grills to make sure it is good enough for the wolves, I wouldn’t want to give the wolves anything I wouldn’t eat.

Perhaps we should send out some of those vegans to re-educate our bothers, the wolves, to forswear meat and become vegetarians. I remember reading an article about how vegans had reeducated their pet cats to become politically correct.  The cats ate tofu instead of tuna.  The poor things dropped like flies, lacking proper protein and amino acids.

It would be interesting to see what wolves would do if a vegetarian approached them with a carrot in hand.  “Nice wolfie, nice wolfie, how about a nice carrot and some tufu?  Come closer, wolfie, that’s right come and get….ahhhh!”

We wouldn’t need to share our sides of beef.

Perhaps we should call the Minnesota headquarters of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and invite them up to Ely to educate our politically incorrect predators.  If people are expected to be ethical then wolves should show us how.  Let PETA go out and explain it to the wolf that hunting is bad for the environment.

I look at it as a chance to (excuse the expression) kill two birds with one stone.  If they succeed, the deer population will bounce back faster.  If they don’t succeed, we will have rid the world of a lot of activists.

I had suggested to my family that we could help the wolves by leaving our dog from hell outside more often.  That did not endear me to the kidlets or my wife, Snow White.

Maybe the wolves will settle for table scraps?  Perhaps, I could become the next Vince Shute.  I could leave table scraps for the wolves in my backyard.  Granted.  Vince had several hundred acres to feed the bears and I have only a small city lot, but bears can get up to a thousand pounds.  Wolves are much smaller. 

My 45 by 80 foot lot is more than sufficient for feeding a pack of wolves.  Just bring over any table scraps – preferably meat – to my house.  I’ll take any dogs you want to get rid of, too.  If you have a spare side of beef to donate, I’ll come over and pick it up personally.  Please have it wrapped and don’t cut the steaks too thin.  It’s always a pleasure to help Mother Nature.



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